Thursday, March 7, 2024

So, SO much has happened since my last entry.  Kelly's at work.   It's 7:30am and I'm having my morning coffee.  The latest chapter of my life has been my most constructive and transformative yet.  My children are no longer a big part of my life.   In fact, they are almost no part of it.  If it weren't for Fathers Day and my birthday, I probably would probably never hear from them at all.  But that's okay.   I've come to terms with that.  I've learned to accept this part of life.  

I've traveled all across the country in a three year adventure setting almost all my bucket list items across this world.  And Kelly has only made it even better.  

We eventually moved across the street from Aaron and his two girls, the newest highlight of my life.  Two beautifully innocent, curious, and loving creatures.  They keep me humble. 

A lesson in humility and life's meaning

I remember how years ago, after my divorce after 25
years of marriage I moved to another state to be near
my youngest daughter, but almost never got to see her.

I had moved into an attic apartment so I could afford
my child support payments and still hopefully get
myself out of debt and maybe even afford some
distractions (trips, etc). 

Not being able to see my daughter was heartbreaking
and extremely depressing.  Living in a wintry back
woods town in NE Pennsylvania didn't help.
I determined to make the best of this time in my life
for at long as this "phase" lasted.  Long, cold,
wintry days kept me house bound, as I knew few friends
and family. 

Some days I decided to occupy myself (along with a little
exercise) by shovelling my walk. 

All my neighbors were elderly, so I, with nothing
better to do, I decided to shovel a few extra
sidewalks.  After all, these were small homes of
limited size, so they took almost no time at all.
Its funny how only just a few shoveled sidewalks could
cause an entire afternoon to dissappear.  The old
folks were so happy at my assistance, but I assured
them the exra work allowed me some much needed
exercise and free warmth.

Occasionally when I saw a widow or widower arriving
home in a cab with a load of groceries which the
cabbie left on the curb, I rushed out and helped carry
the groceries into their front door.

Well, after almost two years, my time had come to
move.  I'd had an out of state job offer I couldn't
refuse.  My daughter was now 18 and independent, and
had made it quite clear I was not needed, so I jumped
at the opportunity.

On moving day you could not imagine my shock, almost
to tears.  A dozen of my co-workers had arrived to
assist me in loading my things into a rented moving
van. 
And even more surprising, was how every last widow and
widower on my street came out to wish me well and tell
me how I would be missed.

This was even more humbling because in all those two
years, I had felt like my life was meaningless, useless,
and that no one would miss me I disappeared off the
face of the earth.

Now I know.  NEVER miss a chance to help anyone
needing even the slightest help.

Mind Tattoos

Mind Tattoos.
http://www.wikihow.com/Remove-Mind-Tattoos

A strange concept, to be sure. There is most likely a better term for this condition out there, I'm sure. However, this strikes a chord with me because at the age of 50 I was made aware of how my entire life and being was built around one of these very things. Mind Tattoos.

Doubtless there are some of you out there reading this, that can identify a mind tattoo of your own. These, as the Wiki-How article I reference points out, are Negative things. Negative in the regard that we construct our behavior based on these. We may become defensive, or withdrawn, or even violent or anti-social in some way.

In my particular case, I bacame withdrawn with very low self-esteem. The worst part for me was how this attitude caused unnecessary pain to my immediate family, my children. By that I mean that my low self-esteem allowed me to let others misuse and abuse me in my work and even in social settings. This sometimes caused me to be paid less for equal or better work, to accept inferior dwellings or vehicles in my business transactions, etc.

Mainly this was caused in me by an abusive upbringing. I was raised as a child and young man constantly being told I was not only ugly, but stupid as well. I was 50 when I realized neither of these were true.

It all came to a head after my divorce, ending a 25 year marriage. My ex became non-communicative (even more so than during our failed marriage), and my children indifferent or even antagonistic toward me. All painful things during a time of stress.


During my post-divoree "recovery" friends described me as "aloof", "snobby", and uncommonly sedate and unphased by my surroundings both physical and human.


What was all this a symptom  of, and how would I recover? This took much pondering, but after several years I finally was able to figure it out. This took a very long time because as all the divorced men out there will affirm, post-divorce men do not have the same support as women do. By that I mean, no sympathy. Women are all told it was not their fault. He is a "bum". He "insn't worth it" or He "never deserved someone as great as you".


Instead, men are told to "buckle up", "Be a man", or "quit your whining and don't be a baby". Well, I'm here to tell you that men are people, too. Men can sometimes be the victim in a relationship gone bad. Not all men deserve the bad things that happen to them. Due to a lack of support, this realization can take years to come to the surface. Maybe never. Most men are ashamed and blame themselves for these things. I, too, blamed myself for years before I realized none of this was true, or even my fault.


Now for the positive part. As this article will show, there are simple, easy, and positive steps you can take to snap out of your funk and become the positive, friendly, even smart and contributing member of your community.  I am today fully recovered, confident and an owner of my life and destiny.  I wish I had this article ten years ago.  Or 30 years ago!

Check it out. There might be something here you can use as well.

A second epiphany

A few years ago, I had what I feel was an epiphany.  A startling realization that my very existance was other than what I thought it was, and that where I was going was to a better place.

The other day I had another epiphany.  We don't get many of these in life, so this always makes me pause and think.  It came after watching the documentary on Netflix titled "The Corporation".  It basically outlined how American corporations had taken over our lives in just about every way.  The part that struck me was that corporations have become so powerful, and have permeated the running of our lives, that I singularly can do almost nothing to impact that corporate affect in our/my life.

In essence, only a Ghandi, a Martin Luther King, Jr, or a Franklin Delano Roosevelt could possibly stop the corporate juggernaut's trampling of peoples' health, happiness and welfare.

So what shall I do while I await this unknown leader?
I've decided to back off from all my activism and all my efforts to awaken the world around me.  I shall, instead of attempting to rouse the sheep and make them see the danger, stop and instead, enjoy the beauty yet unspoiled in the world around me.  There is hopefully yet enough time for me in this life, to come to a fuller appreciation of all the blessings bestowed upon me. 

One should attempt to live a live that takes nothing away from the world, but instead leaves it just a tiny bit better than when one arrived in it.
Starting with this holiday season this boy is going to make a greater effort to make those around him smile.  To minimize my footprint upon the grasses and flowers of this planet.

Here I go!

Just read this editorial comment and cartoon from the New York Post and thought it bared repeating here.  Quite to the point:

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/tomtoles/2010/10/20/c_10212010.gif
Don't look now
Yes, I succumbed to temptation and mentioned George W. Bush in a post yesterday. Some commenters seem to think it bad form for a liberal to 'look backwards', apparently considering looking backwards to be their special zone of operations. They blissfully inhabit a butterfly-filled historic meadow of founding fathers, Ronald Reagan, who any day now will BE a founding father in their minds, and an imagined version of the Constitution (I'm not absolutely certain that Christine O'Donnell has actually read it) of crystalline simplicity.
If you close your eyes, like they do, you can picture them bounding (backwards) through that meadow, which exists without memory of Native Americans, slavery, the Great Depression, legally mandated segregation, the working conditions that gave rise to unions, or any of the other factors that actually shaped the America they think is the one they used to live in before liberals made everything so complicated.
So George W. Bush's visage of belligerent perplexity is currently airbrushed out of the special collector's edition commemorative display plate version of the past, because... well, because not only was he a blistering embarrassment to the conservative movement, but because his policies are the exact ones they want to vote back into office two weeks from now. --Tom Toles

Still catching up

I still have not had time to move over the blog notes from the old blog, but hope to do so soon.
I should have lots to say regarding the upcoming Nov. 2nd elections.  Much to note, much to read, much to consider.  While President Obama has been slow to implement some of his promises (some not at all yet), he has accomplished a lot. 
I guess its just a matter of priorities and where yours are.  He has accomplished much in health care reform, but thanks to the "loyal" opposition, and his less than loyal Dems, he has even more yet to achieve.  Basically, this November's election amounts to either 1) continuing the hope and move forward, or 2) stopping the hope and going back to the very policies that put us in this horrible recession and political/war quagmire we have found ourselves in since 2007 and earlier.
More on that later. . .

Interim

The week's almost over.  This weekend, besides the lawn and the picket fence, I plan to copy several blog posts over from my myspace blogs to here.  I'll try to keep them chronological, and dated if possible.

Thanks to those of you who've been so kind and have already become followers of this blog.
I'm eager to not disappoint.

-Tim